Day 16 : Last day

This is my last day eating the chicken soup. Tomorrow, I'll buy fruits and more fruits, apples, watermelon or may be peaches! Yeah, I'm trying to cut out any of the simple sugars I ate usually. The sugar itself, milk, potatoes, breads, and butter! I want to lose weight badly. I want to be thinner than when I was 17 years old.

No butter.
No sugar.
No potatoes.
No breads.
No milk.

The most 5 simple sugars that really put on my weight again. Proves? I ate the chicken soup with potatoes, and I gained 3 kilograms straight away!

No more! I had enough.

Tomorrow, I'll say yes to apples, oats, green tea and more plain water!
I hate being fat.

I am not sure, but I am not afraid.

To ayah and mama, I am not afraid anymore of exams, I think, but somehow, I am not sure if I did my exams well. If you say so that August is too late to go home, than June is late enough for me to wait any longer. I want to be with all of you as soon as possible. I want to help mama prepare for Kak Nurul's wedding. I want to help ayah with his works. I want to be with Suha when she sits for her SPM, and I want to gives my ideas to Kak Nurul for her wedding day.

I have problem making this decision.

I don't know when I should go back. Right after exams, after the result is released, or when?
I don't want to sit for any more exams after this.

Ayie said, you should do your best now if you want to go home fast.

I know, I want to do my best for all my paper. I want to be in the third year next year. I really want to, but who am I to question the path Allah wrote for me? If He says that I have to stay, I have to, but for now, I need to see what He have choose for me, so that I can make my decision.

Help me.

Day 15: Chicken Soup

I wasn't skipping meal, I ate chicken soup for lunch and dinner, but in small portion.
As for snacks, I have mineral water and some orange juice.

:)

I'm planning to have fruits for my dinner tomorrow. Apple should do it.

Day 14 : Cereal and Soup

I ate cereal for breakfast, and nothing for lunch but have some chicken soup for dinner.

I planned to fasting today, but ended up skipping my meal.

The chicken soup, I ate it with some pasta.
Pasta is better than white rice though.
This entry supposed to be posted on 28th May 2009

Tadaa!!~

Remember I told you about my new obsession?
Yeah, the guitar.


And,
Have I told you what I had for my 19th birthday present? It's an Organ.
However, I wasn't good at playing the organ though.

Officially, today I got my keyboard. I bought it from a friend. It's cool~
What's that for?

I want to impress my dad that I can play the organ he bought for me. I want him to know, it was not a waste to buy me the organ! Yeahhh!!

Way to go girl!

p/s: I just play the Better In Time by Leona Lewis. It's quite hard to play when you have left it for so long. Hahaha!

Day 11: Eating other than fast food.

Today I ate at Mo'men. Though, I only ate fries and a cheese cake. It was late, about 10 pm, already.

I found out, simple sugars as potatoes are not going to help you lose weight. I'll try to not eat any french fries anymore.

Again, do not skip your meals.

This entry supposed to be posted on 25th May 2009

Day 12 : Eating with passion

I went to Pizza Party to study with my boyfriend. We shared a Cordon Blue, Bolognese Mushroom and a Rizo. He ordered 2 vanilla milkshakes and 2 bottles of mineral water. We finished our meals in 3 hours.

Eat slow. Remember?

This entry supposed to be posted on 26th May 2009

Day 13 : Chicken Rice, Egyptian style.

He offered if I wanted chicken rice from Sultanah, I said yes.

So, I ate a chicken rice, 1/4 chicken with plate-full rice, and a salad. I ate them for dinner.

I didn't wake up for breakfast nor lunch. Again, if you don't have any reason to skip meals, please don't try.

Day 10 : Not advised to do so.

I had nothing for the whole day, except for lunch. A bowl of rice, and chicken curry. Anything else, I couldn't recall. I was too tired that day, and I slept after my lunch till 9.oo pm.

Please do not skip your meal, as I did.

This entry supposed to be posted on 24th May 2009.

Have some time, but still can't afford to waste any.

1. Oh...so glad my Histology paper already become a history. Hehehe...Oh yes, talking about Histology, both exams were fine, especially the oral exam! I was questioned only 1 simple question, " What are the organoids inside the hepatocytes cells?" I answered it though, however, I felt like I didn't answer any. My colleagues answered like bees. They buzzed around and perfectly answer the questions, (though the questions were not for them).

2. I will sit for my next exam, the Anatomy in 11 days approximately. I need to study Neuroanatomy, Lower Limb, Embryology, and Head and Neck. Thus, today onwards, I'll be spending my early morning in the museum, studying the jars! I need a alarm clock for that though...

3. Regarding the 5 things I wanted to tell you! Here they come...

• The taxi and its tyre. Ayie, Dzura, Mizah and I were on the way to Rumah Selangor from Ramsis, and as I said so, we took a cab and the cab was very nazak already. The girls sat behind and I were behind the driver's seat. I felt something was wrong with my seat, but I just pretended I didn't feel anything. As we passed in front of the Pepsi factory, I heard some noise came from the outside. It was so loud until the taxi driver pull over and checked on his taxi, and under the bonnet too. Then, of course he found nothing and continued driving. Less than a mile, the sound getting louder and louder until the taxi suddenly stopped. When we got out from the taxi, there were a tyre in the middle of the road and the screws were scattered everywhere,( we found only 2 out of 4).
  

It was a hilarious experience! We laughed everytime we talked about it!

• 4 nice dresses and cardigans. OMG! I found a dress in H&M, and it's really nice and cute. It's black with buttons, and the price is LE 189.90. The other dress, I found in Fabulous, it's red and white, have some florals detailes and the price is LE 69.00. There were 2 cardigans that really caught my eyes, one I found in New Look, it goldy-knitted cardigan and really cool.However, the price is cekik darah still, LE 389.90. Somehow, when I was checking out Virgin, I saw another cardigan, it was plain but it has this draipey (as Mizah described it as draipe), it is nice, and the price is reasonable, LE 159.00. Now I don't know which one I want to buy...

• About my new interest, and it's hot! I'm learning how to play guitar! Still learning though...

• I watched Night in the Museum 2 with Ayie, Dzura, Mizah, Sarah and Akasyah. That movie is really good! I recommend you to watch it! :)

• Syahril's Birthday Party and Play Station. Syeila baked a cheesecake for the party and the party was real fun. That night, Dzura, Mizah and I played playstation for a few hours! Though Mizah left early, Syeila replaced her and we continued playing! Hahaha...

4. I forget something to tell you about one thing. I woke up late for my oral exam. I woke up at 8 am, while my exam was actually at 8 am! You know the worst part? I was actually among the earliest candidates that arrived...

That's what I called life.

Day 9 : Salad is super-healthy!

Okay, as usual, the menu of the day.

Breakfast: Cereal and milk
Lunch: Milk
Snack: Pop corn caramel
Dinner: A plate of salad (tomatoes, cucumber, salads, egg, etc.) and 1 slice of pizza
Supper: 1 Slice of pizza

I ate the whole plate of salad with plain water, and I feel so healthy!!!! :)
You should try some time, oh yeah, the salad I ate was from Brema. It was really good~

A lot to tell, but no time to waste.

Yeah, I have a lot to tell you!!! However I have no time to waste for now. I have my next exam on Sunday and Saturday. It's Histology! I know yeah, it's Sunday. Huhu...

Okay, briefly, I want to tell you about these things, which I'll elaborate much later on!

1. About taxi and it's tyre.
2. About 4 nice dresses and cardigans.
3. About my new interest! > And it's hot!
4. About Night in the Museum 2.
5. About Syahril's birthday and I played the PlayStation with Dzura.

Day 8 : Cook Yourself

At first, I was really not in the mood to cook. However, I still have the ingredients, and I need to save some money. Then I cooked myself a omelet, and some cabbage soup. Then, I ate it with small bowl of rice.

While at night, there was a friend's birthday party. I ate a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a cheese cake.

Then I ate no more.

Day 7 : Healthy Fast Food

I went to Cairo last Thursday to settle some private matter at Rumah Selangor. After that, we went to City Star to have our lunch. I didn't eat for the whole day, included breakfast, but still, I have no reason to eat more than a meal for lunch.

We went to WAGA MAMA, where they serve Korean and Japanese food. I asked for Chilli Chicken Kare, and I got a huge bowl! It's really huge and healthy too!

After a few hours shopping, we ate a real fast food, Mc Donald. I had Big Mac Chicken and a Chocolate Sundae. I shared my large drink with Ayie, and in the same time, we saved our money!

Day 6 : Eating in small amount

Generally today I had rice porridge for every time of meal. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
This is because, I have no time to cook, as I'm preparing for my exams. However, every time you scoop the porridge into your bowl, remember, eat in small amount, but frequently. It's good for your body, especially your stomach. To whom ever suffering gastric pain, this is a good solution. In addition, your body won't have extra energy that later the extra source of energy will be converted to fat. You do not need any more fat in your body than what you already have now, right?

Alhamdulillah, aku redha.

Aku sesungguhnya sangat tidak bersyukur. Di kesempatan ini, aku ucapkan setinggi tinggi
kesyukuran ke hadrat Illahi di atas nikmat yang diberiNya kepadaku. Nikmat kesihatan.

Nikmat yang tidak terhingga. Nikmat yang tidak aku hargai sewaktu aku sihat. Sesungguhnya manusia itu mudah alpa. Jadi, walaupun aku seringkali sakit belakang, kepala dan sebagainya, aku bersyukur, ini kerana, aku mungkin tidak akan merasa sakit lagi bila Allah kurniakan aku kesihatan. Sakit belakang, sakit kepala, sakit dada, dan yang terbaru, hidung berdarah. Aku redha. Aku terima segala kenikmatan ini. Terima kasih Ya Tuhanku, Allah yang Maha Besar.

Sungguh pun aku tidak pernah mengunjungi En. Doktor setakat ini, bagiku, doktor hanya mampu berusaha, yang mana Allah penentu segalanya. Jika diizinkan, sihatlah. Jika tidak, Allah pasti menyediakan yang sesuatu yang lebih baik.

Sesungguhnya, dalam setiap perjalanan manusia, aku pasti, Allah menyediakan sesuatu yang amat hebat nikmatnya untuk hamba-hambanya yang soleh.

p/s: Hidungku berdarah sewaktu tidur, barangkali dalam badanku panas. Sewaktu bangun, aku merasakan hidungku sedikit tersumbat. Rupa-rupanya, darah itu telah kering. Disebabkan aku tidur berbaring, aku pasti, darah itu tidak meleleh keluar.

Lama-lama, aku terbiasa dengan sakit ini. Umpama kami telah sebati, walaupun kadang-kadang aku terasa tidak mampu untuk 'bergurau' dengan keperitan bahasa kesakitan ini.

Mission : 100 pages!

Mission for today: Study Histology till page 153

Currently, I am on page 59 and I have 8 hours till I finish studying! That's means, I have to study 12 page per hour! That's not so bad! Yeah, I have to start now!!!

I'll see you tonight!

I just want to do my best here, and I want the best for my parents.

Clock is ticking...

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Day 5 : Eating Slow

Well, the topic today is 'Eating Slow'. Today, I ate real slow while having my lunch at Chicken Tikka. At first, it was all for staying longer there, thus we can study there while eating, but, I remembered, there is an advantage of eating slow. It'll make you feel satisfied quicker, and in the same time longer.

It is not a myth. It is true. I don't feel hungry after 8 hours. Seriously.
Oh, I ate half of the main dish, for 1 hour and 30 minutes! Chew~ Chew~ *Munch munch*

Breakfast: Milk and cereal
Lunch: 1/4 of Chicken Tikka, and small bowl of rice with the vegetables
Snack: Plain water
Dinner: 1/4 of chicken and mineral water
Snack : Small piece of dodol durian

That's all I 'd for today. :)

Sengal

Saya berasa sangat sengal. Kesengalan yang terserlah apabila tibanya malam hari. Hari ini saya tidak membaca buku sedikit pun. Ini disebabkan ketiadaan En. Mood pada hari ini. Entah kemana beliau pergi, saya berasa sangat sakit kepala dan tidak bersemangat untuk membaca buku.

Oh...

Saya mahu membaca buku, apalah sukarnya untuk study ni...Penat betul.

Hari ini, kerja saya adalah makan, tidur, memvacuum bilik dan menonton laptop(oleh kerana tiada tv). Aduhai, saya mahu gitar dan keyboard! Kepala sakit, tiada mood, saya rasa, saya perlukan En. Vacation!

Oh ya! Semalam, saya mengurut belakang badan saya dengan bola Squasy! Rasa sangat selesaaaa!!!

Oh, apakata kita bermain squasy? Idea yang menarik! Namun, pasti En. Partner saya sibuk, memandangkan beliau akan menghadapi peperiksaan oral lusa. Oh tidak, saya pula 4 hari kemudian!

Hari ini, saya mendapat berita yang tidak menggemparkan langsung, saya nampak gemuk. Oh, apalah nasibku. Tunggulah beberapa minggu lagi, pasti saya akan nampak kurus semula! Oh, saya terlalu banyak menggunakan 'oh'...

Baiklah, saya akan berhenti membebel. Penatlah.

Day 4 : Eat what you want, in controlled amount

Hey, hey...what are you feeling today? Bloated? I'm not, but I don't feel hungry.

I had these for today:

Brunch: A chicken drumstick with half plate of rice, and a lemon juice
Snack: 2 slices of banana cake
Dinner: 2 slices of breads and oats
Snack: A piece of dodol durian

Tips :Do not eat till you feel bloated, just enough to make you don't feel hungry. If you still hungry, drink a lot of water. It's okay to drink a lot of water!

Sorry, for what I've done.

Sometime, I feel like I'm a burden somehow to you. I think, I always be a burden to you. I always been. I always hurt you more. Though I stabbed a knife through my chest, you're the one felt the pain. I am sorry. Please forgive me...

I want to say it out loud, but I just couldn't

I know, everybody must have encountered the same situation as mine. I am so sure.

There's something you want to say it out loud, but you just can't do it. If you do, the next thing you know, you'll end up tangled with the strings.

I really want to tell both of you, but maybe a bit more later. I just don't want both of you worried about me here. I love you both, so much.



Sincerely,
-Adik-

Day 3 : Success is sweet

I had a great time with my diet menu! Though I spent some money on it, I think, they worth it!

Breakfast: A cup of Milo, and 2 slices of breads with jams and butter
Lunch: A yogurt
Snack: Keropok ikan
Dinner: Mushroom Bolognese and chicken wings

Drinks: Mineral water

Hooray! I DID it!

Lost.

I have this feeling, which is not really good, but not really bad either. I don't know, my sixth sense is alarming me about something, but I don't know where to turn, there are too many junctions on my way. All the junctions direct me to some sort of dark and black holes, which may take me to dead ends.

Something's wrong, about me. Not about other people. It's about me. I feel different, like it's not myself. Seem like I live in some other people's mind. When I want to release myself, my hands are cuffed. When I want to scream out loud, my mouth stuffed with cloth. Who's going to help me?

I tried to talk, but, the words just won't spill out. Worst, I don't know what I supposed to talk about.

I am lost.

Forget.

I have millions of ideas before I sat in front of my laptop, and now, the ideas faded and I don't remember what am I going to write for the next entry. It always happen! Oh...

Maybe tomorrow my short term memory will recover. I hope so...

I am going to bed. It's too late to stay awake, I have bundles of notes and textbook to be studied for next exams.

Tata~

:)

p/s: I'd dream that I likely want to continue, it's like so sweet! (I feel that it is sweet, but I don't remember the story-line. See, do I have a memory problem? I hope not.)

Oh, but I remember who the characters in my dream, they're my family, and baby. :D
Okay, last word : Sleep tight.

Day 2 : Cut the calorie off

Today, when I woke up, I certainly did not feel hungry at all. It was quite surprising, because usually I felt so hungry!!

What did I have today?

Breakfast : 2 slices of bread with jam
Lunch : A burger and a yogurt
Snack : A small piece of dodol
Dinner : I planned to have oats with some raisins but I ended up eating some keropok ikan and 2 slices of bread, again.

Snack in between : plain water

Though it's just getting to day 2, I hope my mission will success, by both dieting and exercising.

Day 1 : Mission accomplished

What have I eaten today?

Lunch : I ate the whole pizza and a can of cola
Snack : A piece of dodol durian and a leftover of a cheesecake (its not even close to half of it!)
Dinner : 1 small bowl of rice and Chicken Kurma

What do you think? Did I successively controlled my desire???

We'll see tomorrow!
Now, I want to do some crunches and light exercises before I go to bed. :)

First Tips: Discipline is the key to success! So keep on moving!!!

Yay!!! I got my parcel!

Thank you, ayah and mama!!! I got the parcel already, the dodol durian is marvelous!

Actually, today I supposed have gone to Cairo with Ayie and Cik Dzura, unfortunately, they were informed that they have to sit for practical exams tomorrow, Anatomy Practical Exam.
Huhu, nevermind, we still have some time after that right?

We went to Brema to have our lunch instead. I ate the whole pizza, OMG, that going to cost me 100 crunches! Ouch~

We had a little talk about the exams, the politics, the plan, and the musical instruments! Oh, I can't wait! Thank you, baby and Dzura for taking me to lunch. I had a great time!

Not long after I arrived home, I got a message from anonymous number, who had asked me to take my parcel from the GMN restaurant. I was so excited and went there to take my parcel! Oh yes, the dodol durian are marvelous! I like~
No, I love it!

Thank you, ayah and mama. I love you both.

Day 1: Controlling the Desire

I woke up early today, as we planned to go to Cairo, but they got a shocking news, they have practical exam tomorrow, so, the plan is canceled.

Hey, though it we did not go to Cairo, we headed to Brema for lunch. I should not have ordered the pizza, I should have the salad instead! That's it, I had pizza for lunch. OMG!

I ain't joking, I have the Cola too!

I only can have oat for tonight.

:(

I'll update later~

My BIG Mission

Hello again.

Okay, to be honest, I hate to let people know my weight and my size, but for the sake of getting better, healthier, and much more self-confident, I'll tell you.

Weight (present) : 85 kilograms
Height (present) : 1. 7o meters
Body Mass Index : 29.41
Status : Overweight


Goal :
Weight : 60 kilograms
Height : 1. 7o meters
Body Mass Index : 20.76
Status : Ideal weight


I'll lose my weight!

First BIG Step : Determine your calorie intake.

Hello.

Now, I'll determine my calorie intake. As I am a female, the calorie needed for a female is lesser than male, and certainly lesser than regularly I take daily. Thus, my calorie intake per day suggested here, is 1779 calories to obtain my goal, which is 60 kilograms.

Have you counted yours? If not yet, click here.


Okay, let me tell you something, IF you eat 1 gram of:

• carbohydrate = 4.1 calories
• fat = 9.3 calories
• protein = 4.1 calories

That is how much your body will oxidize the food you eat to calories. That means, FAT have the highest value of calories, which is the BIGGEST reason you have to cut them from your daily intake. You may replace them with something bigger portion of fruits that have smaller amount of calories and can make you feel fuller longer. Happy counting!

Because I love myself.

Okay, this is the first entry.

I want to acknowledge all of you, that this blog, is officially made for myself to spill out what I have done for the day till I reach my goal, which is, to LOSE WEIGHT. This blog is not an advertisement blog, or testimonial of a successively lost weight patient by eating any product. I repeat, this is only a blog I made, on how I reach my goal by December 2009, and lose 25 kilograms.


In my opinions, to reach a goal, you need a strategy. This is my strategy. Every single food that will enter my mouth, I'll write them down in this blog and I'll calculate the calorie. Each time I exercise, I'll share with you, and everything, that I do everyday, that contribute to my weight loss, you'll know.

As the blog starts today, same goes to my body, I have to start losing weight TODAY!

p/s: The blog theme is just to encourage me to get better shape and healthier body!

Hot and Spicy!!!

She is my elder sister. Isn't she beautiful?
This picture, taken by me, on her engagement day.

She's getting married this December. I'll fly to Malaysia for her wedding. It's my sister wedding! Of course I need to be there! I have no other sister in this world. There are only three of us, Kak Nurul, me, and my youngest sister, Suha. After Ayah and Mama, they all I've got. (Honey bee, will always be in my heart, okay?)

Thus, I only have less than 7 months to prepare! Why do I have to prepare? It's my sister wedding! Not mine~

I need to look gorgeous! I gained weight last summer. A lot! Now, I need to cut it out! To extract every single molecule of fat in my body! Just before last year winter ended, I lost about 20 kilograms! Today, I need to lost the 20 kg I gained during the summer break in Malaysia.

How am I going to live?

We'll see. I'll tell what I eat, what I do, what I drink, and what I feel every single day.

No more hot and spicy, until I obtain the desired result!

How did I survive?

I survived.

I survived the terrible week.

1 down, 5 to fight. Waiting. Counting the days.

Physiology was hard enough, both written and oral. The written, I have no comment. Just, please, do not ask any further question. The tiredness of staying awake for the whole week burning the night oil is still flowing in my veins.

It was 'Mother's Day' when I took my first written exam. Ayah and mama called me just before I went to the examination hall. I talked to both of them. I wished mama, 'Happy Mother's Day', as always, we both cried. We always missed each other more than we know. As for ayah, he kept saying, 'no need to worry, I know my daughters performed well!'

Thank you, ayah. Thank you, mama. You both are my strength.

I was so tired after taking the exam. The night before, I could not sleep at all. Not even for a minute. The only thing that made me stay awake was my tea. I brought tea into the examination hall, as the other candidates brought plain water.

Present, I have exactly 10 days for my next examination. Histology.

I'll do my very best!

The Sweet Memory

How I miss that moment... do you?

I hope you'll never forget the good times...

Smile of a person, we called FRIEND.

Nikki

Dila.

KUTPM (MSU) dearest.

N9 Matric super-buddies!

I just want to say, I love to see my friends smiling brightly. The feeling hidden by the camera felt by me, just happiness. The merriment we had together, always flashing continuously when I'm alone. Well, I guess... I miss them.

Somersault

I chose to do that.
Instead of normally people would have done, which is walking, I chose to do the somersault to reach my destination.

I hardly pick the easiest pathway to reach my goals. I will not. Do not ask me the reason. It's the ego. It's the challenge I crave for.

For an example, I could have done studying the Chemical Engineering by now, I mean it, and with flying colours of course, but then, I chose to study Medicine. I'll do my best. I will.

I could have spend my time studying for the past 3 months, and now, I have to cramp all the facts in 3 days. I shall start reading my textbook zealously because I am running out of time.

Can I? *my head spinning*

Beach or Pool?

Well, I was thinking of playing pool or swimming at the beach, but then, instead of sun-bathing at the beach, and get sun-burned, (or maybe tanned, like the orang putih would have said), I prefer to go swimming in the pool!!! (Of course, the swimming pool, not the pool table!)

p/s: To Ms. Dzudzu, and Cik Miemie, when are we going to mandi in the pool, yeh?

Oh, it have been sooooooo long I didn't swim! (Not being exaggerated, though I had my chance last summer! See, it was last summer!) I want to swim! I want to swim!

About playing the pool, I should have seize the opportunity to play at Syeila's birthday party, but there were too many people there, AND I am not really good at playing pool anyway, I could have embarrassed myself! Hahaha!

Can I buy the pool table? (and put it in our family hall??? We will end up playing the pool all night, instead of studying!)

Oh my, oh my, oh my...I have to study!
I want to finish Book I, Central Nervous System and Digestion TONIGHT, and tomorrow, I'll start with Book II, Endocrine and Special Sense.

Yay! I'm in love with Physiology Book! *sarcastic me*

I did something!!!

Photo by Stephane Coutelle



I put mashed banana mixed with plain yogurt and 1 tablespoon of honey onto my hair! Then, I wrapped my hair, for an hour, and now my hair smell DELICIOUS!!!

Why?

Oh, my hair just too dry~ I need to condition it with natural home-made mask made of 2 large ripe banana, 1 cup of plain yogurt and a full tablespoon of honey. Mix them well, and then apply to your hair evenly. Wrap it, and leave it for an hour before you wash your hair with shampoo.

The function of the yogurt is to moisturize your hair, and your scalp, as the yogurt will not make your scalp oily after application compared to the mayonnaise. While the banana and honey, generally, they'll contribute to make your hair SHINY~~~

Hehehe!!! I love the smell of my hair...so BANANA!!!

Why lah I am not sleeping yet?

I watched Banditas while studying, after got back from meeting. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are HAWTTTTTT~

Damn...I'm still not studying? Neither sleeping? I must wait until Subuh prayer first. If not, then I'll not be able to wake up an hour later to do my prayer. Sure. Believe me.

Weee~ I'm not yet reach page 50, first sub-subject out of 6, for Physiology, and yet I have time watching movies? I am a dead man walking to exam.

May I have somebody to study with me? Encourage me. Please. :(

p/s: Oh, I bought a teddy bear. He is bigger than Mucha. I named him, Ebbo.

Sakitkah aku?

Aku bukan sedang paranoid, tetapi, aku rasa, aku sedang sakit. Badan aku lemah, aku rasa mengantuk dan cepat letih, selera makanku pun berkurang dan aku selalu sakit di bahagian dada, atau lebih spesifik di bahagian second intercostal space. Aku perasan sesuatu, walaupun aku baru sahaja bangun dari tidur, kemudian mandi dan sudah berjalan-jalan pun, mataku akan secara automatic-nya akan mengantuk dan sukar untuk ditahan-tahan. Sebenarnya, aku ingin membuat pemeriksaan di hospital, Tarek Salam Hospital,malangnya, masa tidak begitu membenarkan aku berbuat demikian. Tambahan pula, peperiksaan yang bakal menjelang, aku menjadi lebih cuak sekiranya tidak mempunyai masa yang cukup untuk mengulang-kaji. Aku sedang mengantuk sekarang, walaupun baru sahaja bangun 4 jam yang lalu. Walaupun aku tidur pada pukul 6 pagi dan bangun sesudah matahari tegak di atas kepala sebelum ini pun, keadaanku tidak pernah seperti ini. Hendak bernafas pun menjadi satu kepayahan untuk aku, sebabnya, bila aku bernafas, dadaku akan sakit. Jadi bila dadaku sakit, aku akan menahan diriku dari bernafas, jadi kesimpulannya, aku akan sesak nafas sedikit. Peperiksaan bakal menjelang lebih kurang 6 hari dari sekarang, ditolak dengan makan, minum, berehat, bermain, dan tidur, aku kira hanya tinggal 4 hari untuk mengulang-kaji.

Oh Tuhanku, Yang Maha Besar lagi Maha Agung, Kau kurniakanlah nikmat kesihatan kepadaku, agar aku dapat mempersiapkan diriku untuk menghadapi peperiksaan yang bakal menjelang, demi untuk mendapat redha-Mu...

I think, I'm invisible.

Last night, there was a birthday party for a friend. Everybody gathered together, and threw a party for her. Lucky huh? Maybe, she's lucky to be born in the middle of the year, where else, I was born on the first week of February. Since I was kid, when it came to my birthday, it will be sure to fall on holidays, and when it falls on holidays, sure there only a few who remember. There's only one thing that make me proud of being born on 3rd February. I was born a day after my parents anniversary. That is the only thing, that make me stop thinking that I hate my own birthday. Somehow, I don't know why I am so unlucky when it comes to my own birthday. There were only 2 birthday parties that I think, I felt like a birthday girl. Where, there were no such unlucky things or curse crossed my day. It happened on my 7th year old birthday party, and my 21st birthday party. I will not tell you what had happened on my 22nd birthday party. It was a disaster. Although, I'm thankful to darling, Tima, Zala , Didi and her boyfriend for throwing the party for me, and I'm sorry to burden you guys that day.

Sometime, though I do and did nice to my friends, I feel like I'm invisible. I feel like I do not exist in their world. I hate to say this, but sometime, I feel like I do not want to get close to anyone. I don't want to get hurt when such thing happen to me, again. You know what? It keeps on happening again and again.

I'm certain about something. I do not have any problems with my friends, but I do notice about that. When I saw that happening, I'll try to reach Him. I don't know if He even listen to me. Here, I live, besides on having Him near to my heart, I only have darling, and my friends. My parents and sisters, they're in Malaysia. How could I dare to make them worry if I cried for a such small things? Why do I would have cried? Then I'll ask you something, what do you feel, if you're there, but nobody notices you, only when they needed something, than you became something so important, something visible, something to be with?

I'm just the other person, who no one knows that I am exist.