I really need a motivation right now.

Okay, where to start?

Motivation, inspiration, what else?

Oh…where can I hire someone to be my personal motivator? Anyone? Please?

There’s only a few weeks more to go, and this brain is almost fried. Well, not my brain, but my heart. It’s freaking inside there, and chickened out.

Ma…please pray for me. Help me.

I don’t even have any desire to blog. To write my heart out.

I think, I’m eating outside today. Breathing some fresh air. Urgh, I don’t think it’s going to work anymore. This time is a huge breakdown. My heart has fall apart, into million pieces.

Alright, this evening I’m going to Baron or La Poire, break fasting with cake and chocolate mousse. Maybe with some mango juice and vanilla ice-cream. A slow long walk back home.

Alone.

Picking up those pieces and put it back on it’s place. Gather all the strength back to endure another 27 days. I’m not homesick, but I’m worried, can I make it to the next level.

People keep telling me that I can make it, but this anxiety and fear of failing keep coming back hitting my brain, breaking my heart, pushing me from the edge and make me feel sad.

O Allah, O Almighty Lord, please save me from these feelings I had, afraid other than you. O Allah, only you the savior I have. Please Allah, save me from the darkness. Help me, guide me…I’m weak, I’m too weak.

Ameen.

Please…I need those strength.